a conversation with a perfectionist

I'm a clear and definite Enneagram #1 (perfectionist) though I much prefer to go by improver. That has far more of a positive connotation than perfectionist...don't you think? The perfectionists do...I mean, us improvers do!

I've been fairly quiet here about personality types and how we're each wired, but it certainly comes up in conversations I'm a part of. If you're new to this or not sure what I'm even talking about, The Enneagram is a powerful tool for personal and collective transformation. Stemming from the Greek words ennea (nine) and grammos (a written symbol), the nine-pointed Enneagram symbol represents nine distinct strategies for relating to the self, others and the world. Each Enneagram type has a different pattern of thinking, feeling and acting that arises from a deeper inner motivation or worldview.

{taken from https://www.enneagramworldwide.com/the-enneagram/}

It has been helpful for me to learn that who I am is not for me to blame on my parents, my upbringing, my childhood, or my culture on how I live. Nor do all of these get all the credit! I have a unique personality and specific calling upon my life because of the love and grace of God and knowing who I am in my strengths and weaknesses, is helping me internalize how I can be the best, most honest, me I can be. I'm recognizing the level at which I expect too much from others, especially myself, and am having healthy self talks when I'm too critical and judgmental. This has certainly ramped up my prayer life and time of solitude and reflection at the start and end of the day. 

Basically, I'm learning to take much needed deep breaths and not feel guilty for it!

I invite you into this conversation I discovered between Jesus and a perfectionist.

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3 ways to keep growing where you live

hi there! while most of you are ready for the summer heat to be gone, me and my citizens are ready for our indian summer! bring on the 75-85 degrees! that’s a heat wave for us! and bring on the harvest in the wine country and the football on saturdays and the changing of the leaves and the pumpkin spice lattes! let me tell you…

i'm flossing and doing the orange justice over here in my living room because of you! (those are dance moves by the way) you all wowed me with how you set off to learn to love where you live this summer! thank you for downloading the summer series grid. for treating the person behind you to ice cream. for inviting your neighbors over for dinner. for literally walking across the bridge to explore a different part of your city. for making the most of your stay-cation. 

as we enter into a new season with the change of weather, the change of routine, the change of family dynamics, i want to show you how to keep growing in the midst of a new season right where you live. 

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visit a friend at work {a summer series}

how does visiting a friend at work help us love where we live? 

kathleen bakes cakes in her apartment. katie edits books downtown. stan cleans teeth. carla works with numbers for a global clothing company. chase makes your coffee choice as he saves for college. 

over small talk we learn what our friends do in our cities. we hear of their promotions, long hours, office drama, board meetings, how long they've been with the company, and how they landed the job in the first place. but what if we stopped by? what if we showed up in the very place where they are making a difference? what if we met their co-workers and they got to prove they have a life outside of work!? 

we can picture their living space and places we've dined together, but can we picture where they are most of the week?

the next time you schedule time together, meet where they work. invite them over to your headquarters. even if headquarters is home! 

perks of visiting a friend at work:

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give yourselves away {a summer series}

can i just say how proud i am of you? it's one thing to live and work and go to school, buy groceries, pay bills, take care of the family, the pet, and the plants. it's a whole other thing to love others. 

you, friends continue to teach me and show me that when we give and share, God gives us more. our Compassion International son, Saddam, continues to teach us this each time we visit. we have an abundance because God intends for us to give it away to others. how does this pertain to our time? don't we all have the same amount? yes we do.

but i believe that how we spend our time determines how we see our time. 

do you know what two hours on a monday night, us keeping their baby so they can have a much-needed date night does to our time? we don't lose anything, they gain conversation and warm food! 

do you know that when our floors were flooded and family routine was unstable, the invitation to come over to their home, build a lego spaceship together and eat comfort food was just what we needed and we didn't even know what we needed! we got recharged because they gave us their time. 

i can tell you about far more days when i kept all my time to myself in scarcity, in selfishness. yet, i can remember and relish in the moments when i slowed down to give time. 

this might be one that starts with...

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friendly game of whatever {a summer series}

did anything ever happen impromptu during the summers when you were growing up? 

my parents would get a call from a farmer friend that they could come and pick corn from his field. my sisters and i knew what we were doing the next evening on the front porch. shuckin' corn! i was a pro with the husk, but those silks got me all frustrated! we'd eat a good bit that summer, freeze some and give some away. 

sunday nights after church we'd get crazy and go get ice cream at the dairy queen or meet up at the city sports field for a game of softball! word always got around.

impromptu is not my style, but i want it to be. okay. maybe impromptu with a wee bit of preparedness! 

you've been rocking intentionality all summer! here are a few impromptus:

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look up. look down. {a summer series}

i'd guess most days we are learning bucket loads from our peers and those in the same season of life as us.

but how would you evaluate how much you are learning from those ahead of you and behind you? we need to look up and look down. to watch and listen to those younger than us and to sit a while with those older than us. we've got much to learn and it's right in front of us. 

ask yourself: when you were little, and even now, are you more drawn to those older than you or younger than you? what do you see in your kids?

elijah is drawn to those older. sam is passionate about helping those younger than him. asher seems to observe both demographics. kavita balances this well as she is watching older role models closely, yet is naturally to young kids. mine has been the same since i was a little girl. 

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invite someone over. {a summer series}

someone different.

i've already pegged you as someone who enjoys hospitality, so having someone over seems like normalcy. 

but, who's someone you've thought about having over and pushed it to the back of your mind?

who's someone you know but has never come over to your home? 

who's someone you want to learn from?

what about someone who would love a home cooked meal?

is there a refugee family or someone new to town who could use a friend?

it still haunts me.

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learn a bit of history {a summer series}

learn a bit of history. ask a few questions.

where i live is practically an infant compared to where you might live. ben and sam went to rome this june and sam uses the "mind blown" fingers over his forehead to show me just how old rome is in comparison to the united states, let alone, san francisco! 

but as long as we can explore yesterday, we can learn a bit of history!

you might have to venture out of your city limits to do some exploring, but don't forget about the cemetery, the library, the first church in town, the city hall or courthouse. and the best place to learn a bit of history is from your fellow citizens. 

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