that’s how fast it can happen. i’m talking massive life change. at least for my little tribe of three, anyway.
one moment, we’re five years into a beautiful life in our beloved city by the bay. we’re thriving more than we probably ever have. we’ve got a church family that supports and challenges us, killer jobs as a Googler (moi) and a professional soccer player (mon amour), a newborn nugget who wins the very objective award for ‘cutest baby on the planet’, heaps of amazing friends to do life with, and more avenues for adventure than we can count. i’m two months into an all-too-generous maternity leave that just so happens to align with my husband’s two-month offseason. we’re in hawaii celebrating a friend’s wedding. we’re whale-watching on a catamaran in the pacific. we have yummy drinks. life. is. good.
that’s when we get the call.
my husband’s been traded to a team in denver, colorado. he needs to be there in one week.
we’ve always known this could happen. it comes with the territory. in fact, this isn’t the first time. back in 2010, my husband was traded from his very first team (in toronto) to our current team here in san jose. with just seven days to move from the right coast of one country to the left coast of another, that transition had its’ own share of challenges too.
but this time is different.
we’re older. lots of life has happened here in the bay area.
we don’t want to leave.
a few hours after the call, the surreal shock wears off and reality sinks in. we learn that my husband will be on the road with his new team for all-but-four days in february. we’ll be apart for the better part of five weeks during this transition. my own personal spanish inquisition kicks into gear, full throttle.
will i survive these next five weeks on a solo-mission as a first-time-mama?
how will i pack up our life in california and move it to colorado with a ten-week-old in tow? and without my husband around to help?
where will we live in colorado? should we buy a house? how the heck do we even do that?
how will i find childcare if we need it?
what does this mean for my job? better yet, what do i want it to mean for my job?
how will i say goodbye to my west coast friends-that-have-become-family?
...did i mention we have a ten-week-old?
alas. a few days later our tribe of three is divided… ⅓ in colorado, ⅔ in california. lickity split.
most (if not all) of my questions remain unanswered. not cool. i want answers, people! i want a plan! i am overwhelmed and emotional. i just know a big, giant meltdown is coming soon.
and yet somehow, it doesn’t.
wait, what? the me from five years ago would have definitely lost it by now.
but that’s the thing. i am not who i was five years ago. san francisco has changed me. more specifically, epic church has changed me. i am walking away from my city by the bay with a stronger, more mature faith than i’ve ever had before. i know in my heart, more deeply now than ever, that God has a plan for me. He’s behind all of this. and He’s in front of it all too.
and well, if that’s the case, then why should i worry?
and so i don’t.
or, more accurately: i do my best not to.
instead, i pray. i pray, i pray, i pray.
i ask Him to guide our family through this transition, to teach me to embrace the ambiguity of it all, to give me wisdom to navigate the next steps where i can, and to fill the gaps where i cannot.
every time i begin to feel engulfed with emotion or trounced with to-do’s (read: erryday), i retreat back to these words. it’s not easy! but it really, truly, honestly helps.
fast-forward to september. we’ve been in colorado since march. lickity-split. a lot has changed.
we own a house.
it has a yard (!)
i quit my job at the big G after 4.5 years of blood, sweat, and laughs
i’m at home with my kiddo, but i’m writing more.
...a lot more!
our nugget is closing in on his first birthday.
i. can’t. even.
we go to a new church.
we talk about climbing ‘fourteeners’
we see tons of lightning. woof.
and we do our tasting at breweries rather than vineyards.
we definitely don’t have it all figured out. not even close. to be honest, there are still some days where i wake up wondering where our buddy karl the fog is. or why i can’t just stroll down to my favorite bagel bakery on polk st every. single. morning.
but man, i’m finding an unparalleled peace in just letting go. in letting someone WAY more qualified take the lead. when it comes down to it, there’s simply no way to predict how exactly this new life chapter will unfold for us. who knows where it will lead our family, what we’ll learn, or who we’ll become because of it. but one thing is for certain: i’m sticking around to find out. after-all, i think it’s safe to say we’re in Good Hands.
lickity-split. let’s do this.
Samantha Cronin (@ladysamantha4) lives in Denver with her husband (who is coincidentally also named Sam) and their one-year-old-going-on-ten, Levi. She is a Christian, freakishly-talented at finding four-leaf clovers, and unapologetically addicted to The Dailey Method and other barre-inspired fitness classes. She recently bid farewell to a cozy corporate gig in order to live more intentionally with her family and pursue a lifelong dream of authoring children's books. You can find her online at her blog, Seasons of Sam.