paralyzed

i see the field and am overwhelmed with the number 
of people hurting.
searching. 
the people i'm pouring into.
the people i think need me.


the numbers.
the task. 
it paralyzes me.
it keeps me from doing anything at all.


i stand frozen. not sure to move to the left or to the right. 
i wonder what use am i paralyzed with fear.
i ask myself, "where do i even start?"



i need to schedule a coffee with her. i'll go send her an email.

that lady just had a baby. i'll see what i've got to prepare her a meal.

work on adoption paperwork. teach preschool to our 4 year old. laundry. invite neighbors to dinner. offer hand-me-downs to a friend. return the phone call. 

my life is no busier than yours. it might be a different busy, but nonetheless, busy. 
yet something changed from it being busy to
being paralyzingly busy. 
Merriam-Webster define paralyze as to make powerless or ineffective.

how do i see the crowds, see the tasks, see the need and not stand powerless and ineffective?

well, how did Jesus do it? 
how did He minister to the crowds and the individuals?



He wasn't intimate with the crowds.

when He was with the crowds, He ministered with authority.
[Matthew 7.28-29]

Jesus had a group of friends in which to relax and unwind. Not that He needed them as much as they needed Him, but He modeled for you and me intimacy with close friends.

He stayed connected with the Father. 
of course! if i trace every one of my paralyzing moments back to the source, it's that i lost my connection.



I have tried to do it all on my own. I often think my way is best for the world in which I live. I choose to carry the weight of family schedules and burdens of everyone around me. I become overwhelmed. My deep breaths become short breaths. Restful nights of sleep become nights of sporadic awareness. 


Job understood. Job 3:24-26 says, “For my sighing comes instead of my bread, and my groanings are poured out like water. For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me. I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, but trouble comes.”

But look what his friend tells him in Job 4:3-6, “Behold, you have instructed many, and you have strengthened the weak hands. Your words have upheld him who was stumbling, and you have made firm the feeble knees. But now it has come to you, and you are impatient; it touches you, and you are dismayed. Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope?”

Friend, as I am on this journey with you, remember what you have already done for His kingdom. 
Remember Who releases us from paralyzing fears that daunt us because we haven’t done enough. 
Today, our fear of Him is our confidence.  
May we each walk in integrity and put our hope in Him.