prayed hard

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the setting was ideal to make this bold declaration. chit-chatter moments through the night revealed God's faithfulness. a  celebratory evening with our san francisco family and friends and the five of us driving home together.

then came the bold declaration..."let's believe God that HE WILL give us the approvals we've been waiting three months for!" in my un-cheerleader verbiage and rooting from the front seat, i invited ben and the boys to believe God with me and for this all week long. this would be the week we would learn that our adoption process is indeed moving forward, despite months of silence.

childlike faith was at an all-time high in the pilgreen home.

when the five of us were together at the beginning and end of the day, our conversations swarmed with thoughts and visions of our daughter and sister. she had a place at our picnic night. we laughed when one said it was k's time for the bath. we pictured her hiding under her covers, waiting to pop out at just the right time. our faith climbing with each day as we declared to God, "we believe."

monday.

tuesday.

wednesday.

thursday.

friday.

6 am. no emails from the agency.

7 am. no phone call from the agency.

8 am. no missed calls.

9 am. it was someone else's phone ringing at target.

10 am. the orphanage director is probably done for the night.

no word. no approval. 3 months and counting.

our flesh is exhausted. our breathing has been a constant prayer all week. no room for relaxing daydreams, our thoughts were on her. getting her home. moving forward to court and passport. let's go. let's move it. let's get this done. the two year mark is around the corner. our daughter knows of us now and we've waited long enough.

"we've prayed hard all week," ben compliments the boys tucked into bunk beds. "but we're not stopping."

the littlest, "we should pray right now. you pray, dad. i'll probably pray in the morning."

the oldest, "why didn't God do something this week?"

"yeah, ben, why didn't God do something this week?" {i was thinking it too}

i'm too exhausted to ask God myself.

yet, though i'm tired, i don't feel defeated or that i missed something or that i was off a week.

an author through a book writes, "live in fear of a grinding end or a dank hereafter. unless you know a bigger God, or better yet, are related to Him by blood." {ND Wilson, Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl}

our city knows not winter right now for blossoms and allergies are co-existing in the midst of january and manmade white stuff beckons the hard-core skiers to tahoe. yet, winter happens to every soul. God gives us seasons too. and in this season of waiting, of winter, of silence and stillness, He is far better and far greater and far more valuable than my faith deems Him.

while i could drink myself looney in questions for God, it's not worth my time. yours either.

my baptist pastor dad is the alliteration man. and now that i'm writing of him, i'm left puzzled at how he came up with alliterated-pointed sermons week after week after week. how did you, dad?

these statements i make to you and beg you to make them along with me. i fail miserably at alliterations, but these were delivered to my heart after one of those flesh-exhausting, faith-mounting weeks.

persistent, i will be.

praise through the wondering.

people, watch and be amazed.

we're not going to stop believing God to bring about these two committee approvals to bring home our daughter.

for what will you keep believing God?

tears happen in my most alone times as i push myself to praise God through my wondering of what He's doing.

but the praising is the recounting of what He has done and Who He always is.

He has matched us with K. He has protected her from numerous scenarios.

He gave three other adopting families these much needed approvals this week.

and for crying out loud, He rescued me from myself and calls me His child.

for you, adopting parent,
for you, pastor's wife,
for you, momma with kids at home,
for you, city dweller,
for you, where-did-i-put-my-coffee person,
as you wonder, will you praise Him?

no one has to ask if they can follow your adoption story. our hearts yearn for these stories because our very lives have been purchased and claimed and brought into His family for those who will agree and believe in Jesus.

for you, teachers at my children's school,
for you, mom in the neighborhood,
for you, who randomly landed on this site,
for you, who love adoption stories,
watch and be amazed. no mistaken at the blessings in your life. they come from Jesus. no mistaken in His plans to bring K home to us. He knows the plans and they are better than mine. do you see it? His calling you and me to Him?
for what are you praying hard? it's been weeks. months. years. you're waiting on God. me too. i'm praying for you today. what can i pray for?