remember {our adoption story in a post}

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this began with a prompting from God. conversation with each other. prayer alone. just me and God. just Ben and God.

with a unified heart and certainty, we stepped forward to pursue adoption. it’s now april 2012.

what began for me as a trip to an orphanage in india in 1998, continued to stir my heart for the beautiful people, and then led us to an awakening of the reality of the gendercide of the girl child.

with a passionate heart, we stepped into a risky program to adopt a girl from india.

then came the mounds of paperwork. but we had this one. ben dominated documents to be mailed, notarized, apostilled, obtained from other states. our type ‘a’ personalities and get-it-done mentalities helped us accomplish all necessary documents within 5 months.

with all this complete, we began a match with the country of india and then 6 months later a match with a healthy 7 year old girl named k. it’s now march 2013.

we stepped forward now to prepare our home and family of 5 to welcome this little girl into our arms.

then the orphanage director’s license expired and everything was on hold. 4 months went by. it’s now july 2013.

timelines in the india adoption program fell apart because of unstable committees and infrastructure. we had to sign a waiver that the rest of our journey would be unpredictable. it’s now december 2013.

then we were denied the referral of k by the highest adoption committee in india. we sat denied for 7 months. advocates pleaded our case. our children wrote letters for their sister. our social worker and case worker wrote letters. we sought God’s favor and intervention.

people fasted and interceded.

then our landlords told us our home was going on the market. it’s now july 2014.

the very home we dreamed of bringing our daughter home to. the very place we poured hours of prayer into this adoption.

we stepped forward yet. believing in the God of the impossible. #onlyGod became my mantra.

with advocates physically going before the high committee members and by a miracle from God, the denial was overturned and the needed approval granted after 7 very hard quiet months.

with anticipation we would be traveling before the end of the year, we sought after visas for travel. i was immediately granted one for 10 years. ben would be questioned and held up with his visa for 3 months.

we could move forward and be filed in court. we were filed in court in november 2014.

a gift came in the form of a friend visiting k and calling us so we could facetime with her. then 6 months went by. we were blessed with some precious family trips to the northwest, to family in louisiana, and to maui.

ben was issued a 3 month visa on january 7 that would expire april 7.

in the waiting and the weightiness of the journey, i fell into a pit of sadness. it’s now valentine’s day 2015.

we weren't moving forward. it either felt backwards or stagnant. we had one hearing on january 29 then our judge left. we waited to be assigned a new judge. that happened quickly, but she wasn't certified to hear adoption cases. we would have to wait for that.

then easter weekend, the judge completed her training and could hear adoption cases. reminded we are a resurrected people. reminded also that ben no longer has a visa. it's now april 7, 2015.

we had a hearing 4.9.

we had a hearing 4.23.

it's now april 26 and we have another court date on monday, may 4.

we are waiting for custody.

we are waiting for apply again for ben's visa.

we are waiting to travel and meet k.

it's been lots of waiting.

faith-filled moments to step forward.

constant remembering.

because without remembering, you try to do it in your own strength. you try to make it happen. you forget Who got you this far. you feel entitled to more and now.

Deuteronomy 4.9

"Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children—"

for it's in the remembering, you find delight in what God placed on your heart long ago.

in the remembering, your passion and vision are renewed and refreshed.

in the remembering, you fade away and Jesus grows brighter and bigger.

this has been a far less than perfect time in my life of waiting and hoping and wrestling and wanting and surrendering and complaining and tiring.

but i can humbly tell you that there's less of me in me and more of Him than when this journey began.

and that right there has made this journey for me to love a child i've yet to hold one of grace and hope and faith.

friend, remembering is not knowing how it's going to end. 
remembering is being certain of the One who finished it all on the cross 
and holds all victory in His hands. 
remembering is resting.