so far (how we do adoption)

he is all in.
picture him wanting a celebratory meal over a notarized document arriving in the mail.
i am cautious.
picture me clapping my hands over a notarized document arriving in the mail.
he wants to play the guessing game of how many more days before we hear the next great news.
i can't let my thoughts go there.

ben and i handle the adoption process totally different from one another. except one thing...we are totally on the journey together and can't wait to meet our daughter. how we get there will be two different stories.

here's how we have done adoption so far.
and here's what works for us.


ben takes the lead.
he loves being a part of the change that will affect the future. especially this little girl's future. he leads the charge with deadlines, documents, timeline, appointments, communicating with our agency, finances, and well, basically everything.





i am the assistant. since day one. it took a few up front conversations to discuss how we would do this together. i like it that way. i do what i'm told: sign here, mail this, let's talk about this, put this date down on the calendar. i write the cards and the blogposts. i'm reading books and absorbing information about india, the culture, the process. 


not the conventional way. 
most women take the lead. the husband assists. 
as ben plants a church, the adoption is another step of faith. another way to express complete trust in a sovereign God.

as i am stay-at-home mom to three boys, i'm so immersed in parenting 24/7, that paperwork feels like homework. 
to be assistant sounds more like an assignment that i receive in addition to my dominate role. i'm embracing this role for...
i know a day is coming.
a day when we're home with our daughter.
the journey to india and back is over. 
and our roles take on a whole new meaning.
i might need to homeschool her.
i might need to learn the language.
working with social workers and professionals might be needed.

ben can micro-manage his emotions throughout the process. he can be happy when he needs to be happy and be concerned when he needs to be concerned. he can tell himself to slow down or speed up.

i'm a different story. once i fully put my emotions in this, i just stepped onto the 'tilt o whirl.' and you know how you feel after that ride! i check all my thoughts and feelings in prayer. i just leave them with my Father for now. maybe it's a fear tactic. that i'm afraid to be all in. maybe it's just not knowing how to hold on to something so unknown at this point. 

so far, two different approaches. yet one mind. two different reactions to each bit of news. yet one step forward together. 

what makes our marriage and parenting thrive is our center in God alone. we look to Him and then to each other. this journey is no different. for our little girl to get the best of us, she needs to know we're giving our best in our pursuit of God and wanting the best in our love for each other. 

so far, it's working. ben takes the lead. i assist. we both communicate what needs to happen and what we're taking care of. in the midst of prepping meals and prepping sermons, we're working together to bring home our little girl as soon as possible.

are you on the adoption journey? what works for you and your spouse?