(un)ashamed

the exact location is blurry, yet i am certain that highway stretched out the left window and green forest out the right. it was the summer of 2009 and our family of five was somewhere in our mini-van between louisville, kentucky and pensacola, florida. while ben was driving, i had managed to sandwich myself between two booster seats in the back row to cut through the tension between elijah and sam. they were tired. that's always my excuse for bad attitudes. the tension stopped and soon they were resting their heads on my boney shoulders. it couldn't have been comfortable, but they were still. and still was good.

it was in the stillness and the hypnosis of staring at pine tree after pine tree after pine tree. it was in the rhythm of the highway that i had an ah-ha moment with God. it wasn't audible. it was like a tug or gentle knock that only my soul felt. for all was still in the van. 

the tug resembled the tug i often feel from one of our boys who is pulling on my shirt hem, looking up and reminding me of something. "mommy, you said you would play trains with me." or "mommy, how come you're still in the kitchen?" or "mommy, hold you." (which means they want me to hold them)

this tug seemed to say, "shauna, daughter, you have known Me for a while. you have read parts of My Letter to you. I want you to read it cover to cover. I want you to be still and take in every Word. I want to hold you while you read."

i have written in the front of my journal Bible these words, "how can i share His Word when i haven't read all of it? my desire is to complete it before we move to san francisco as a testimony of my faith that i do believe fully in His written Word."

"The Bible differs from anything else you'll ever study. Penned by God Himself in perfectly timed revelation over hundreds of years and sixty-six books, it is far more than history or literature. It is a divinely-inspired meeting place where God reveals Himself and invites us into relationship." [Beth Moore]

the exact location is blurry, yet i am certain that i'm at least 10,000 feet in the sky. it was the fall of 2011 and ben and i were flying home from a week in the midwest.i was sandwiched between the aisle armrest and ben. i sat still as i opened up the last few pages of Revelation. this moment resembled the past 1,000 days. whether in my spot on the red couch by the lamp at 6 am in san francisco or in the leather recliner by the lamp at 6 am in springfield, the moment tasted sweet and proved rich. 
for God met me every morning. it might have been 3 chapters as planned. it might have been one verse that gripped my innermost. i jotted down questions about the text because i didn't fully understand. i stopped mid-sentence to talk to the Writer of the Letter. He never failed me.   

i have written in the front of my journal Bible these words, too, "I read the last words of John's writings of Revelation on a plane no doubt. this has been a rich journey - one i will cherish and journey again. God, i'm grateful for Your Word - cover to cover. thank You for meeting with me - guiding me - teaching me - revealing You."

"You will never waste a moment you spend with an open heart in God's Word." [Beth Moore]

this i know. i didn't finish until living in san francisco for 17 months. 17 months past my plan.  i am ashamed to say that i have had a relationship with God for 26 years and have never read His Word completely. 
but this i know more. God doesn't hold it against me! He cherished the time more than i did. i hold the Letter differently now. i see myself on the pages. 

maybe you're like me and have had a copy of the Bible for years and never read it through, take the journey. take the time. let me know. whether you think Him true or false, you will read and be changed for the better. let me know also. i want to know what you discover.