can i just say thanks?

i mean really.

for letting me figure out what in the world i am doing with four kids with an amazing husband by my side.

for space to grow and readjust. oh the readjustments for this stubborn and stuck-in-her-ways-girl.

for patience as i've sat writing aside. well, not completely. i'm writing lesson plans for a certain daughter of mine, curriculum for a small group this fall at our church, and writing the insides of my soul that i dream of calling a book one day.

can i say thanks...

for letting me randomly and sporadically post to keep this place breathing?

for cheering on sam as he dreams bigger than i and is thrown love and support back from you for his amazing book reviews?

this gratitude comes from this...

it comes from a conversation i had with my friend who's moving to nairobi, kenya next month. i unloaded quite a mouthful of words on her the other night and she graciously sat curled up in her comfy clothes and let me.

it comes from fasting from social media and realizing i'm missing my closest network of friends outside of real-tangible-i-get-to-touch-and-lay-eyes-on-you people. you are my closest friends in the virtual world. i have missed being here, yet, it stings my heart that you haven't left me. you've clicked on the post in your inbox when it arrived.

i don't deserve your loyalty.

i don't deserve your joining hands with me in this.

i don't deserve you to stick around when i back away.

it was a year ago that God was lifting me out of a pit and you were waiting on me and praying over me.

it was a year ago when we were fighting for court dates and court approval to become kavita's forever family.

it was a year ago when we were all sitting on pins and needles wondering how God was going to WOW us through the story of adoption.

i need to tell you thank you.

all 320 of you.

i know you by name or by a friend of a friend

or because we met up at a conference or because you like my husband and gave me a shot.

i need to tell you thank you because knowing you are here and learning something from this girl-in-the-Master's-hands,

i will write again.

and it's only going to get more real and more stronger and more me.

because in this time away, God our Father has done some major chiseling and it's been painfully beautiful.

it's probably going to be all over the board because that's where life has been the past 9 months.

my little quiver has shot up like fireworks and their personalities are taking shape in very unique ways and i'm learning that we're all over the map though we share the same last name and home address. someone has gotten a cell phone and someone is getting his adenoid out. {yes, there's only one. did you know that?} someone has rekindled their love for legos and it's overtaken a room in our house and another someone is becoming less of an orphan and more of a daughter. mine and ben's marriage is its strongest yet and i give him 99% of the credit. he and i have had more parenting and church growth conversations than you'd care to know. yet we've not stopped dating each other and taking a trip to celebrate 15 years. the 6 of us think saturday is the best day of the week and hoop and holler like wild people at the warriors games in our family room.

so thank you.

for letting me reengage the homefront and step away from here for a while.

your loyalty speaks volumes to this heart of mine and i hope you stick around for what's next.

it's going to get more real up in here!